John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
