your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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