He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
