I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
