Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
accomplished twins. life is a go
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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