OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
