I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
