Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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