Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I am midnight drunk by noon
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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