Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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