if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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