it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
