you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
