He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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