Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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