Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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