Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
