I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
