Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
