Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
