I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
