so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
