I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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