There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
