i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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