Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
