I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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