Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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