shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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