Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
