great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
