Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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