i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
