No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
