why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
