shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
