K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
