i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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