I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
