Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
