If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
