It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
