Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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