I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
