i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
