connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
