I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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