Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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