Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
