Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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